Aaron Kee

How time flies and we are off to another week in 2012. This year, my wish is small and very simple. Some days it’s not about passion and courage, it’s not about heroism and drama. It’s not about exotic visions. It’s simply about the act of doing deliciously simple acts, simply.

I’ve been keeping myself occupied ever since my break started after my finals. Got myself a planner to list down all the things to be accomplished, complete with timeline and progress check. Yes, I’m an organised person like this. While at times I can turn out to be pretty spontaneous, often go along with the flow, there are times when I just have to have a clear plan in mind. It gives me a full sense of certainty and allows me to picture an aftermath.

Spent most of my break planning for my upcoming Europe backpacking trip. This idea of having this trip of a lifetime has been lingering at the back of my mind for the past one year and it’s really something close to my heart. I’ll be away for a month, and truth to be told, it takes a lot of courage to hop on the bandwagon to pull off something of this scale. Now that everything has been laid out, I can finally take a sigh of relief as I moved on to other priorities.

Went uphill to Cameron Highlands to experience some cold weather last week. That’s the closest thing to European winter I have back in Malaysia. While the wind can be really chilly at times, I thoroughly enjoyed the breeze up there. It was a leisure trip, we literally spent time watching TV and cooking our own steamboat. No packed schedule, no long tours, just being spontaneous. This may well be the last time I’d be with this group of friends as we all part from here.

I guess we all run on two clocks. One is the external clock, where you follow the tide and the season. The other is the inside clock, where you are your own timekeeper and determine your own chronology, your own internal weather and your own rate of living. Sometimes the inner clock runs itself out long before the outer one, and you feel like a zombie going through the motions of living.

Sometimes we wish we can recapture our youthful lust and zest for life. We wish we have something to take us back to those childhood days and those feelings. Somehow those days are gone now. We’re numb. Sometimes we’re lost — putting up dreams into the sky and dodging all the things that tear us down. As my elders would say, “The days of I’ll wait for you after work” are gone. Now it’s a Facebook poke or an impersonal how are you on sms. And we’re not even missing out because, well maybe we just don’t care as much any more.

I cried like a baby when she pinched my nose, while at the same time maneuvering through all sorts of terrifying surgical equipment. “ahh, there it is”, as she picked up one of those metal sticks and began to squeezed into my face. It was my fourth facial treatment and everytime I’d turned into a little baby, crying for mom’s help as I looked helplessly at her getting rid of the poisonous pickles on my face.

I don’t really remember the last time I cried, like the-full-of-intense-feeling-crying that’s enough to induce those rolling tears. I’ve stopped tearing ever since I saw my mom cried over a complicated work matter. I figured out I’d have to be strong for the family, for friends. And tearing up is a global sign of weakness, I just hate to display those weaknesses in public. It doesn’t feel right.

But that doesn’t mean I’ve lost my humane touch. And definitely not an indication of a ignorance to problems I’ve had. Everyone has their fair share of bad circumstances, broken relationships, failures in life and that list goes on and on. It’s part & parcel in life. While it gives right to everyone to bitch/rant about it all day long, ultimately it’s really down to each individual to manage their affair in a manner they’d feel comfortable. Some feel obliged to tell the whole world about it, some feel the need to scout for attention, some choose to soak themselves in a corner, or some will just sweep it under the table.

I’ve grown up to be not judgmental, and to learn that differing personalities are the diversity blessed in our lives. We are bound to meet people who deal with their circumstances differently, and who are we to say that they are wrong? But there comes a point when there’s a limit to such. There comes a point where you just have to accept the adversities in life, that these are challenges life thrown at you. Blaming the circumstances will not do any better, but taking charge will change it, be it for the better or worse. What matters when you keep soldier on with that burning desire?

One of my good friend gave me this book for Christmas. It’s about how a wrestler, without proper limbs, set forward in his life for one goal – to win a wrestling championship. It’s hard to imagine how’s it like for a normal person to step on the fighting ring. Kyle Maynard, who already has a physical disadvantage never counts his disability a burden, but a motivation to work harder, better.

So next time if you think you are going through a hard patch, think again. Things might not be as difficult as it seems. Take a step backward and have a bird eye view. It might not even be a problem in the first place!

She left me with a note,

“You may have all your limbs but I have full faith that you can will also end up a champion in life.”

I woke up with a tinge of excitement and anticipation this morning. It was still dark and the birds were happily chirping in the background. I guess this time of year does that to me –the eve of New Year — a sense of starting out your life again at ground zero, ushering in the new year and renewing your vows and resolutions.

This is also one of those times when many people will reflect on their life. And the media will be bombarding us with The Ten Best.. Worst.. Most Inspiring.. Most Beautiful.. but any intense thoughts are furthest from my mind. What can you really say when Rebecca Black got 100 million hits on YouTube? But is life really all there is, and then you die? Is there a heaven? I hear that it’s a paradise; filled with love and happiness. Or maybe we end up in hell rather than heaven. Or somewhere in between??

We think there is always a tomorrow so “why not wait, what’s the rush, why act now, why expose our feelings today?” Why risk being vulnerable or look foolish? Why take the chance? You know why?? Because today what we feel, what we love, what is real, is what we have. Tomorrow it may all change. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes, because you’ll never get another one quite like it.

And if you are frighten of taking your next step, embrace the uncertainty. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise your faith, your heart and your mind and create your own path towards your happiness. Allow it to lead you to your hopes and dreams.

Sometimes being happy is hard, it’s exhausting. You have to do things that scare the hell out of you even. You have to get your hands a little dirty sometimes. And it is so easy for us to forget the simplest of things while we fervently spend our days trying to learn how to be happy. Maybe we ought to think about the stuff that makes the stars and that being happy didn’t have to be so difficult.

Life can push pretty hard sometimes but if you look close enough you find joy in the words of children, in the lyrics of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. Simple things like that –like the sound the waves make. No matter how much faith we carry within us, there will be times when we feel lost, confused, scared. It is the way of the human heart. Life can be magnificent and overwhelming all at the same time. Someone once described life without beauty, love or danger, it would almost be too easy to live.

And if we should ever find ourselves lost, we just have to simply take a breath and start over. Sometimes we build something only to have it tear down when the feeling no longer suits us. We have to retrace our steps and go back to that place in our heart — where our hope lives and find our way again. Sure, we make mistakes and we think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. Sometimes we have to let go even if it hurts.

And just you remember this, “even a map cannot show you the way back to a place that no longer exists.”

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“Think back and replay your year; if it doesn’t bring you tears of either joy or sadness, consider it wasted.” 

Have a mind-blasting 2012!

This is usually the time of year our collective human minds reflect on the past twelve months of our lives. But between living and dying, we’re continuously spinning on the wheel of life.

This is also a time when a lot of people try to figure out the meaning of life, or look to God– God can exist or not, life can be meaningless or important, either way– we’re on this big wheel that goes round and round and it never stops. At any given moment, you can be flying high, and it’s all a bed of roses. But one more spin and it’s broken glasses, shattered dreams and day turning into night, hope into helplessness. There’s something scary about that and there’s something beautiful about it.

Sometimes life hits you right smack in the eye — you can be facing a moment that is literally a life or death situation or having the best time of your life. When you’re faced with true life – it’s either you’re at the height of happiness or the depth of despair. And that’s what I find quietly beautiful and profoundly sad about it.

Our lives is always spinning and revolving and we should embrace it wholeheartedly. We should endeavour to enjoy as many amazing experiences as we can find. And we should not fear the bad times slipping in because they’re part of the tapestry of life. Even if the worst imaginable thing has happened, we have to believe that there is some spark to be found in the most dismal of times. There’s always a silver lining behind the darkness.

And we have to keep in mind that whichever side of the wheel we’re on — the other side is waiting for us; if it’s going to come, and when it does, we have to be ready with our eyes wide open. Because you never know what’s coming or what it’s going to be. Maybe what is written is true, we each have a destiny to fulfil and we’re all floating around accidental-like on a breeze — and both are happening at the same time.

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How was your Christmas? Mine was sweet & memorable. 

Fun fact: More than half of the Thai’s population have braces.

Day 2 of my week-long break. Spent most of the day traveling around inside the car.

The thing about traveling that I enjoy most is the chance to observe the local culture, the people & their daily activities. It gives me a brief peek into their lives, an opportunity to appreciate the diversity in life than we all seem to have taken for granted.

Sometimes we should just take a step back and look around, merriment is all around you.