It was 4 in the afternoon when my phone buzzed disturbingly while I was having a leisure stroll along with my friends who came down to my place to pay me a visit. I took a glance at my notification. It was an email.

An email that I waited all along.

Had you asked me about winning this 4 months back I would have given you a hesitant no. It seemed to be such a distant possibility at a time when I struggled to balance so many different things at hand. Juggling so many balls at once and at one point I thought I was poised for failure. That depressing front when you looked at failures at all ends; all things seemed to be crumbling down as you blamed yourself for attempting the impossible.

There were times when I struggled between getting away from my old self, my same old way of thinking or dwelling deeper into it. So, what was I supposed to do? Go watch a movie, go for a walk, read a self-help book, whatever I think would pull me through. But sometimes nothing I purposefully do would be of much help.

But once I pull my mind out of the doldrums, I felt free, my complaints and mistakes become opportunities. When I did achieve one of those ‘ahha’ moments, well, not much in the world feels better, or more right.

Of course it’s easier said than done. Sure, there were (and there would still be) days where I failed miserably. But each time, I tell myself that I have to get pass the blunders and stupid mistakes. Start tomorrow with high hopes. You can spend your time over-analysing a situation, trying to justify what could have, would have happened, trying to put the pieces together, or you could just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.

I chose the latter. Perseverance played a big part in guiding me through. And so did the encouragements & support from my family and friends. I found solace and confidence through prayers. Confidence was so hard. I’m my worst critics but, I couldn’t blame my inner demons or anyone else – I’ve just got to get pass the self-doubts, criticism and rejection.

And it really helps if you find people that get you. When I find someone whose personality/creativity/energy excites or inspires me; I practically throw myself into their lives and follow their progress closely. Sometimes you can’t do it alone. You need to take advice from anyone who resonates with you. And I’m glad to have found them.

Fast forward 4 months later, I scrolled through that very specific email. Overwhelming was an understatement. I passed it to Sydney, Alveena & Jonathan whom later surrounded me with congratulatory message. Tears rolled down my cheek uncontrollably. Tears of joy. Tears of sacrifice. All those prayers and blessings, they were duly answered. There was a point I thought it was all just a prank. But it wasn’t. It’s real. And it’s here.

I did it.

After exam result was released:

Fuck I look so damn ugly.

Exams at tomorrow. *shivers* Globally speaking, all the students will sit for their exam exactly 1500GMT +8. Practically, 14 hours from now?

Insomnia struck again, diarrhoea after dinner, running nose since last week. But it never dampens my confidence.

Anyways, good luck for both you & me.

Oh yea, I forget to mention, I need those luck badly.

*evil grin*

20.10.2009 3.55pm Sunway MPH. Exam.

I raised up my hand to signal my intention to go to toilet. Nowadays the college has this kind of weird ruling whereby they will note down your time out and limit it to 10 minutes. More than 10 minutes of toilet break and you are on your way out of the exam hall. It sounds childish. though.

Anyway, as I made my way out of the hall quietly, suddenly I felt a gush of strong wind flowed through my body while the big door opened wide for me. A shadow of a human slowly formed in front of my vision as I settled down upon the surprise. Apparently, there was this guy who dashed past me to the toilet. It was real fast, given that I couldn’t even have a good look on him, he took the corner to the right and on his way to toilet. People who wouldn’t know it would possibly mistaken him for participating in some college marathon. And seriously, he deserved a prize for his speed.

As I reached the door, he was peeing with his pants down. Ignoring him, I faced to the mirror on the wall, fixing my already cacat-ed hair.

‘Someone is mumbling’, I told myself. My eyes was running around the toilet to find the culprit like a stray dog finding its food. My eagle-sharp eyes locked upon its target and the person was no other the guy who dashed past me. I had a good look on him though, white hair, skinny body frame, and stripes of old skin visible on his face, he was clearly exhausted by the exam.

‘Professional level student,’ I mumbled.

Shockingly, his mouth was vibrating with countless accounting terms, possibly trying to search for his perfect answer. Before I even realised I was heading to the urinals, again he dashed past me like a storm, albeit without washing his dirty hands.

I pulled down my pants, looking down and slowly pondering.

goddamnitomgosh. That’s me in 2 years time. erm. us I mean. you know. US LA!

Can’t wait to see the change!